*Any resemblance with reality is purely coincidental. 

I am a shadow, I have no name, and to you I am no one. Don’t ask me questions, don’t follow me, don’t burden me with your problems. I do not care. You see, our existences are so different, but so much alike. We are both liars. I am a trained liar, but you on the other hand, you are a pathological liar. In a way we live similar lives. What sets us apart is our approach to life’s challenges. I face them, you run from them. I overcome my fears, you surrender to them. I obey no rules, you follow all rules.

I left this God forsaken place before I became a liability. I don’t need taken care of, plus I always liked to be on my own. Always quiet, rarely seen in other people’s company, sometimes perceived as shy, strange or even eccentric – I was the perfect impersonation of a sociopath. If you want to use the sociopath term to define me you’d better tread lightly – I am antisocial, yes, but I do take responsibility in everything I do.

It takes a lot of discipline to become one like me, and that took its toll on me since I am anything but disciplined. We all had a disciplinary figure in our lives at some point. It wasn’t the case here. There are a few things I hate about this issue. All the simulations and possible occurrences, all those fake initiatives meant to train us, teach us, build us were nothing but a joke. Hours and hours of running, hiding, changing identities was not just useless, but strikingly boring. No challenges of any kind, except for the fact that you could actually get killed. That was the only thing that kept me on my toes. After months and months of traveling around the world, meeting new people, searching places, eating disgusting foods, and barely sleeping, I was sent to East Timor. Now, my geography is good, but not that good. Obviously I was tempted to ask questions, even though in my head I had a stagnant question: “Why?” The thing is you don’t ask questions, you just take the briefcase it’s handed to you, you go home and you pack. That’s all.

A day later I was in East Timor, an island, once part of the Portuguese empire, then a colony for Indonesia, and since 1976 an independent state. The best part about that is that I knew Portuguese due to my long stays in Portugal and Angola. Small country, but extremely interesting. All I wanted to do when I got there is sleep.


A C.I.A. agent case file


To be continued….