The Premise of a Promise

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a premise, a promise, afraid, belonging, dark, empty box, empty place, faith, fallen, faulty, nearness, unsettled

What’s mine is mine

What’s yours is also mine – you once said.

If I fail in my equation is due to all the faulty premises

Of all the promises you’ve made

All words you’ve spoken have fallen dark.

No deep breath or leap of faith is going to fill the empty place you put inside.

All there’s left is a massive hole in a chest that’s overflown

With left traces of your unsettled self.

I have gotten blind, and deaf and stupid.

You’ve made me afraid of words

Words that slap you in the face and leave marks all over.

You should have used a knife.

It would have been quicker and cleaner.

You chose the mess.

To all the promises you’ve made I offer you an empty box

Keep ’em all there for the next person you’ll break.

My nearness has closed in. So walk away.

I have a brand new set of knives under the bed.

I keep ’em in that box you gave me the day we’ve met

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angry, before birthday angst, bitter, blank, blessings, express, far, happy, home, mad, manic-depressive, myself, note to self, place, random, tonight

It’s been a while since my last visit. Got a lot to deal with and no ways to express myself. So I passed on the opportunity to write. I occasionally opened the page and looked at the screen. It’s been blank (in my head, down the page and around). Tonight is quiet, no one around, no sounds, except a song I have on the background that it’s been in my head for hours and hours.

I’ve realized how far I am from anybody I know, so far from home, my other home, and at times so alone. The angst of trying to figure myself out has passed for now, just for now.

Can’t say that I have a lot to put down but the very idea that when I’ll be let’s say…40, I’d look back on what used to hunt me and I’ll get amused.

What have I done since the last post? Not much. Just got happy, and then got mad and then angry. In my best days, I can exhibit the glory of my manic-depressive self. And on those same days I have no idea why I’ve been put on this planet.

On other days, I count my blessings. Which are, oh, so many. But stuck in one place and so bitter I cannot seem to see when my luck has found me.

This is so random. It’s been a while, that’s why.

“Spilling/Spinning” (Brandon Boyd)

…and the song that’s been in my head a whole 2-day duration…