I’m always in such a rush to finish things, meet deadlines and achieve goals, that I forget to live. I keep hearing the same advice from some of my elder friends: “Don’t ever get old”. Truth be told – I never paid much attention to these “words of wisdom”. When you’re young you never think of getting old, and as years go by you seem to want to slow down. “Time goes by fast when you’re having fun” is one of the first expressions I’ve heard over here. Not sure what kind of fun I’ve been living so far but I sure hope that when I look back, as an old woman, I’ll have a big smile on my face.
There are days when I wake up without a purpose and I start doubting, and I end up questioning my (so many weird) decisions. I don’t know what scares me most: my “un-happened” failures, my overly estimated ambition to do more or my sickening perfectionist self. All in all, I feel hopelessly pushed back by an unseen force that keeps telling me: “Now’s not the time”.
When I first started to feel doubt about where I’m heading or where my place in the world is I started to fear. If we all have fears, of any kind, it is somehow considered normal. When my fear interferes with my beliefs and alters my faith then I am left without any hope (in pretty much anything: happiness, tomorrow, people….)
Hope is one concept that I find extremely difficult to describe. In terms of personal experiences, I must say I was perceiving hope like a sort of consequence, not a cause for something. I still have no idea what to think about it. But maybe hope is that feeling you want so desperately to believe it exists. Hope is like the last frontier. You know you’ve come far when you’re at the end of a road and there’s still something else out there worth seeing, worth discovering, worth waiting for.
All you have to do is let hope lead the way… Still working on it.